I'm So Sorry, So Very Sorry

I write this with a very heavy heart, but it has to be written. I would like to first say that I acknowledge that the actions described below are indeed jerkish and I do so deserve the title, but in my defense, I didn't really want it to end the way it did, but it did in the end.

Today, at 9.00pm Malaysian Time, I ended my 17 month relationship to a wonderful girl, Khim. She didn't do anything to provoke this ending, it was entirely my decision and I take full responsibility for my actions. I never thought that I'd feel the way I do, but I do nonetheless.

Why did it have to end? For one, she lives in Brunei, a place that I would probably not set foot in for a million years for lack of resources. Sure she comes to Malaysia every once in awhile, but in the 17 months we've been together, I've only been with her for 2 weeks, physically. I know it's a little materialistic but I am a man and I do have needs. I can't go out and do Single's activities because I'm not single anymore nor can I go out and do Couple things because, well, I don't really have a girlfriend handy to go out with.

Another reason is that I am graduating soon and I will start working shortly after. Thus I will more likely be concentrating more on my career than anything else and in so doing, knowing how the advertising industry works, will not have much time for her and that wouldn't be fair to either of us.

The last reason is that, well, I haven't really been introduced to the family, or at least the family doesn't know that I am in fact in her life. It could be a race thing, she being chinese and me, of course, a malay and her parents being your average conservative family would mean that they won't exactly be happy with her decision to date me.

I know it's selfish of me to break up with her for reasons that are so dumb, but I have worried about it for a long time, especially during our first year anniversary when neither of us could be together on that special day of our relationship. 1 year we lasted and I really couldn't have been happier if she could be here or I could be there for her. But I wasn't born privileged, or at least privileged enough to be able to fly to Brunei on a whim and her father doesn't want her to come here because.. well, she doesn't really have reason to...

So if you women want to call me selfish or you guys wanna call me Whipped, do so but know this, I loved and still love her very much. I regreted having to make the call, I regret making that call, and I know I'll forever regret making that call. But nonetheless, it was made and I have to live with that.