Regrets

Everyone has regrets, right? I have a few of my own, which, after looking through a lot of my friend's friendster page, I wish I could change.

For one, I wish I had waited for that reply from RMIT before applying to enter Taylor's College to finish my Bachelors degree locally. It is and has always been my biggest regret in my life; I missed out on the opportunity to study at a prestigious university in a city that's known for its fucking expensive prices! extravagant and often expensive lifestyle. But I would have made it, I always have and I've also been known to excel at almost anything I endeavour in. If only I hadn't listened to my father, who insisted on me going to Taylor's College as some sacrificial pig to his beloved USM franchise program. For god's sake, I didn't want to go to Taylor's, I wanted to get out of this fucking country. Yes, I'm still bloody patriotic about Malaysia, but I haven't seen the outside of these walls for 18 years and I wanted out! Yes, I do get the occasional trips overseas with my parents but those are too few and short to satisfy my curiosity.

Secondly, I regret not taking up the offers from the colleges in Perth; ECU, Murdoch, etc. I had a lot of offers, but I didn't take up on them, opting instead to wait for the RMIT offer, which didn't materialize until I registered for the classes in Taylor's College. My mom has tried to be supportive of me, but there was also the uncertainty about living overseas; would I be able to cope with living by myself (which is redundant because I already do live alone in this place anyway) or cope with the lack of Internet services in the campus (hey, I can't live without my internet, okay? I'm a junkie, sue me) or even if I'm able to survive there. I'm highly anti-social and I don't take initiatives to make friends; I usually wait for other people to make the first move to get to know me.

That's the third regret; I'm freaking anti-social. Seriously! At a time it was because of a girlfriend, but then I just got too lazy to mix with society. But I've been trying to change that; going out for more activities with friends and the like. But the damage had been done, and a lot of bridges have been burned due to my neglect.

But out of the many regrets, there is just one that remains in my mind; The day I decided to let Nora go. Too many times the What-If's have remained in my head; what if I had taken her back? What if I didn't lose my top? What if, what if, what if! And with that, I broke her heart. A part of me wishes I could change that, but the other part of me tells me I can't and I now have to face the music. I screwed up; plain and simple, there's no excuse around it and now, all I can do pray it never happens to another woman whom I care about deeply again.

You wanna know what the funny thing about regret is? You never really know you have them until you stop, look back and realize all the things you're missing if you had chosen another path.

Sigh, why the fuck am I so emo today??!!!